i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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