So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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