Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize