So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
