worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Drake has all the answers
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
