I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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