alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
