is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
