after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
