fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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