wat bout pragnant strippers??
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
