When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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