My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
