I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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