Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
