Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Randomize
