He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
