Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
