Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
