D3 body, D1 cock
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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