dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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