At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
