That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
