i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
