Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
