when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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