It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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