I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
