Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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