i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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