you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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