i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
there's paper in my vomit.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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