the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
