I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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