She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
