They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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