i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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