I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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