I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you didnt know i had herpes?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
