i don't really know how much tequila is too much
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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