worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
