I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
