Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
