Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
