If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
