who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
