Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We have started to decorate penises.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
