he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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