DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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