so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Randomize
