She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
