Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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