I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
