"it" just moved
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
