So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
