I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
