Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Oh god it's open bar.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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