If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
