so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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