Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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