The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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