just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
