She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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