So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
