I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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