if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
